TIMANDERIC.COM

January 30th, 2012

Dear TimandEric (Tim and Eric),

I am immasively upset that Canada cannot watch the videos on your site. The videos on your site are unwatchable in Canada and I, who dwell in such formentioned country, live in Canada. Therefore, I am of unable to watch any of the videos as posted on TimandEric.com, because the videos cannot play outside of the US, which includes Canada and I want to watch them.

In conclusion, I am forced to watch illegally uploaded versions of your videos on YouTube by users who have somehow uploaded them to YouTube through illegal mannerisms, which is not legal and infringes on Adult Swim's policies of not letting anyone watch their sponsored videos. Although Adult Swim has some videos on their channel, they seem to be selective about what Canadians are allowed to watch of your films and do not have much of a selective selection for me to select to watch in selection. I would like to see all your videos, but I can't, because I can't watch all of your videos that are watchable.

Therefore, I cannot watch your online videos, because I am in Canada and you are in the US and YouTube doesn't have very many videoses uploaded. I would like to watch all your videos, but I can't.

To conclude, it sucks, fix it.

From sincerely regards,

Terry Ibele
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CONCLUSION: I am the saddest.

FACEBOOK TIMELINE

March 13th, 2012
Dear Facebook,

I am really angry about ‘the new timeline’. “The new timeline” is like the exact opposite of a double fudge ice cream super-reem, of which I would say, “Awwwwwwww yeah!” to. Instead, you have me saying “Ohhhhhhhhhhh no.” If you give me ‘the new timeline’, I will not only use Facebook 98.38% less (as proven by my unfriending actions of anyone who chose to get ‘the new timeline’ early), but I will also be contractually bound to publically proclaim my hatred for ‘the new timeline’ to anyone listening, at any chance I get.

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Contract of Hatredness

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Section 1.0

This contract shall outlay the binding agreement between the Terry Ibele and the Facebook and shall commence once the Facebook bestows with force 'the new timeline' upon the Terry Ibele. Hence forth from that point, the Terry Ibele shall be bound by this contract to publically proclaim hateful slurs of ‘the new timeline’ at any chance that he may get.

Section 1.1

Chances that he get may include, but are not limited to:

• During the saddest of eulogies.
• The exact moment when everyone realizes that it is in fact going to be a home run.
• To the tiniest of babies, anywhere, anytime, regardless of amount of innocence.

Section 1.2

This section will declare the legally binding phrases to the contract of hate. Phrases, which are bound by agreement for Terry to utter in his hate of ‘the new timeline’ may include, but are not limited to:

• The new timeline has BO.
• The new timeline is death.
• The new timeline killed my family.

Section 1.2a

To further clarify section 1.2, phrases which include the following words and word combinations may in no instance be confused for Terry’s hatred of, or used in the same sentence as, ‘the new timeline’:

“Best thing ever”, “Love-mobile”, “Glorious Monkey Squad”

 Section 1.2b

‘The new timeline’ may at timelines be referred to as something other than ‘the new timeline’ since it is such a terrible name to begin with (Faceline is much better, I’m picturing a Matisse styled layout). The following words and word combinations shall hereby act under Terry’s sole discretion as substitute names for ‘the new timeline’ and may be replaced as such in any sentence:

“Worst thing ever”, “Hate-mobile”, “Disgusting Baboon Ranger”

Given such substitutions, the following phrase combinations may be uttered by Terry’s person in any of the previously mentioned chance utterances (see Section 1.2):

• The Disgusting Baboon Ranger has BO.
• The worst thing ever is death.
• The Hate-mobile killed my family.

 Section 2.0

If the Facebook perchances to rescind announced ‘the new timeline’ enforcement from the Terry, all contractually obligated slurs of hate will be reciprocated into slurs of love. In such case, refer to Section 1.2a for words and word combinations that may be used in the context of love slurs towards the Facebook. In example, the following metaphorical phrases may be said about the Facebook:

• The Glorious Monkey Squad has nay a drop of BO moisture in the air.
• The best thing ever is not death.
• The Love-mobile never killed any of my familial relationships.

 Section 3.0

In contractual conclusion, don’t do it, Facebook! Think of the slurs of love! Think of the tiniest of babies! Think of their infinite innocence being soiled for all of their timeline lifelines!

Sincerely,

Terry Ibele

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CONCLUSION: I got a message saying that Facebook does not respond to individual emails. I may either have to send a group email or involve my lawyers to enforce this contract.

TERRY IBELE

(this is a complaint letter that I received regarding my complaints)

February 29, 2012

Dear Terrible Terry Ibele,

I know that it says right in your name that you are terrible, but nonetheless I found myself surprised and outraged at how few angry, beefy messages you have posted as of late. By monitoring your Life Progress I have determined that you have had more than enough time to get your act together and complain to someone new, but yet, you have not. Is it possible that you managed to complain all of your complaints already? NO. I don't even believe it. So where are the angry messages, Terry Ibele? Where are they?

This is not the first time I have felt let down by your lax postings. Your blog of Mations has been similarly left by the wayside since a similarly Septembery date. Am I to conclude that you are just some kind of a bad blogger? It is hard to know what to think. It is as if you started blogs you knew would be great to read, and then abandoned them just to hurt your readers. I check your complaint blog at least four times a day to see if you have posted a new letter. I have calculated that since your last posting, that has been at least 672 times that you have let me down, Terrible Terry Ibele. Or at least 670 because I only checked your blog twice today instead of the customary four times before composing this letter. I hope you feel saddened by that. I hope tears of regret trickle down your tall cheeks.

I am so dismayed that you have gone the ways of the corporations you complain to. Although nowhere do you explicitly state that you will update on a regular basis, you must know that it was assumed. We are going on six months of silence here, Mr. Ibele. I can provide you with a list of companies that will be sure to let you down, if that will help. I am sure that you will reply promptly to this email in order to address my complaints. Following that, I expect to see a correspondingly prompt update to your website.

Sincerely,

Jessie 

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CONCLUSION: I need to complain more!